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rewind
i was having dinner with the most beautiful girl. in front of me she was, forking the food into her plate. it was familiar, from the funny way she handles her cutleries and the cute sound she makes after slurping her noodles. i love that about her. and how she grabs away the yummy stuff away from my portion, it may be rude to some of you, but to me i find her endearing.
on this wonderful evening i was with her. she was gorgeous on that particular evening. the cook would have given me a beating had he seen me drooling over her instead of the food. her black brown eyes a bit jaded perhaps from crying, and her long dark hair behind her ears, my eyes betrayed me.
it felt the same. and that was odd.
it felt as if it was the first time.
the first evening together. when i held her hand during spiderman. and she held back. it made us smile. well, this evening was rather similar in certain ways. im glad it was.
looking for answers in her eyes, i tried to no avail. instead i found only her childlike innocence. pretending nothing had happened, i played along acting i was absolutely ok with everything. i was obliged to. spoiling this wonderful evening was the last thing i would want to do.
and then it came. a text message. and once it came it just wouldnt stop. back and forth they went, they must have had said more together than what we have spoken in all our evenings together.
"it was her worried mother or sister..."
"yes it was" "no it wasnt, you moron"
" who else could it be?"
"ask her! stupid"
"shut up, trust her!"
this evening must be particularly pleasant.
it felt the same, maybe because we were already somewhat lost in our character roles, which happened to be happy people. reality and truth camouflaged by lies and deceit, i was just focus on having a beautiful evening with her. maybe it wont be as memorable as the first, but at least i need it to be nice. because it was the last one. but with the way things were going, it certainly did not feel like the last evening. and im glad, in a certain way.
walking with her to the car for one last time, i regretted the times i complained about her long shopping hours was boring. we did not say much. that was predictable. part of me wanted to scream out and ask her for the truth, fortunately my rationale got the better of me. "come on, pleasant is not that hard to do..."
all in a sudden, when my thoughts left me, i felt so hollow and empty, that i realized that this was it. the last dinner was over and im about to send her home. nostalgic emotions came over me, rushing tears into my eyes. i didnt know whether she shared my feelings. turning to her, in gladness, to see her finally finding some peace away from her phone, she looked back at me and bit her lips and wrinkled her nose. i leaned over instantly stretching my arms around her, holding her tight. she broke down. the smell of her hair and the touch of her cheek were all too familiar. i whispered in her ears "goodbye darling, you have been the one, for me." tears streamed down involuntarily as her sobbing turned into crying, and her arms tightened around me now in a deadlock. knowing that this was the last hug, i let go ever so reluctantly, then staring into her eyes, as if expecting her to say something. she just turned for the tissue box.
the journey home was silent. soft lite & easy playing in the background. the route was familiar. the familiar potholes. the familiar spot where i use to park. like a movie i had seen many times before.
at times she was sad having quarreled with her
at times she held my hand.
but for most of the times, it was a casual conversation that got us through.
this time was kind of like the first time.
i could still remember that time i had just gotten my driving license and she was rather silent but a bit excited with anticipation about our day ahead.
this time was about the same, except that the excitement and anticipation seemed to have burned out.
funny that i chose the very last moments together as a couple to reminisce on these memories, instead of spending them with her, who was busy texting. "sister i guess." taking a deep breath, i attempted to break the long uneasy silence with some empty conversation, only to be ignored. i had to repeat twice before succeeding in breaking her riveted stare at her phone. it didnt really matter now, because her house was just one corner away.
maybe just for memories' sake, to cap off the wonderful evening with an appropriate ending, to cap off the fairy tale love story with a this wonderful evening, ending the very last sentence with a full stop.
like every time since the first time, i made a U-turn in front of her house. easing my right foot on the brakes like making a full stop, finally coming to a halt. i turned to look at her.
i could still recall the first time, when i somehow forgot to say i love you, which angered her.
at times, we would just say "bye" before calling each other when i reach home, talking for hours.
then as time got on, we would just say "bye" and "good night".
this was the last time. i looked at her clutching to her bag and phone ready to leave.
she was almost whispering when she uttered "bye".
"bye" i replied.
her smile followed by a particularly hard slam of the door seemed to have an direct contact impacting on my heart.
and that was it.
from flames to dust; lovers to friends; the magical fairy tale lost its sparkle that very night.
but i didnt forget, this time. as it was all i could feel inside. i just wouldnt say it to her, because it wasnt the words she wanted to hear. at least not from me. not anymore. that was the biggest letdown for me.
"i had a wonderful evening...", as if trying to convince myself.
(Written authentically by GABRIEL BOSS.)
~Quek Loves you~ @ 1/31/2008 12:03:00 AM
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